okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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