you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
