I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
