i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
