im about as happy as oj after his trial
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
