Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
