Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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