why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
