I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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