i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
