It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
