She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
