I will die if light touches me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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