Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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