I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
