Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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