Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
