Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
