She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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