watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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