I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Randomize
