Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have aggressive nipples.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize