My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
