this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
