Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize