I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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