I just threw up on my dentist
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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