Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
