sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
