if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
