I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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