so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
