; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
