Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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