She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize