420 ftw
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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