If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
