i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
