I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
