Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
