it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize