Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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