tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
