i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
