When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
