Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
