I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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