i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize