If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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