I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
