All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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