YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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