I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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