if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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