why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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