somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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