if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There's always time for handjobs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
