I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
