Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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