is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
