At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
