The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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