Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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