Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
