Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
