come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
