Where is the hickey?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
