There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
