I must be too annoying 4 u.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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